5 Ways to Get Your Friends to Help You Move
There you were getting all smug that you’ve got the house organized into rooms and neat piles; you’ve finally packed it all into moving boxes when you realize: I’m never going to be able to move this myself! No one ever realizes quite how much stuff they’ve managed to accumulate until it’s boxed and piled up in front of them. But once you start to think about moving the bookcases, tables and couches, it becomes apparent just how much you miss your friends and how you’d love to see them as soon as possible!
You should have hired a professional moving and storage company, but it’s too late now.
Of course if you have real friends they’ll come running instantly and work all day while you stand and delegate. On the other hand if they’re mean and selfish friends then they may need some gentle persuasion or alternatively, some outright bribery. There are a number of tried and tested methods for doing this; the best tactics are listed below:
(1) Ply them with alcohol. This is the classic and rarely fails. Casually mention that you’ve got in a case or two of ice cold beer to be drunk at the end of moving day and watch your buds line up to help. The key is to make sure you offer enough beers. ‘A couple of beers’ won’t cut it. You need to offer a quantity of beer (or spirits if they’re that way inclined) that will make them drool. A minimum of two or three cases should be offered. But, and it’s a big but – don’t let them near the beer until the moving is done. Obviously it’s not safe to be drinking and heavy lifting, but more importantly, if you let them at the beer too early they’ll stop caring about the moving aspect of the day. Plus, do you really want your drunken pals moving your mirrors and fragile figurines?
(2) Hit them with guilt. Remind them of everything that you’ve ever done for them. They’re supposed to be your friends dammit! If you’re particularly forward planning you could make sure you’ve helped them out with some similar stuff in the months before you move – keep a mental note and be ready to list off all your brilliant friendship-sealing selfless acts! If you haven’t done anything for your friends to get on that list, well, perhaps you should examine what kind of person / friend you are and whether you deserve their help?
(3) Matchmaking. This is a sly one and only really applies in certain situations. If you’ve got single friends and they’re reluctant to help you move, drop in that your girlfriend / boyfriend is getting one of their really hot model friends to help them move as well. Or if you’re moving on your own, mention that your new neighbors in the place you’re moving to are a Swedish massage collective.
(4) Move in with your mates. What better way to get them to help you out than to offer to bring your plasma screen / leather couch / pool table to the new pad you’ll all be sharing. They won’t mind moving it if they’re excited about using it.
(5) Give away some of your stuff. Throwing away an old couch that your best friend has got his eye on? Girlfriend forcing you to give away your giant Han Solo cut-out? Barter it for moving assistance.
Remember: Real friends don’t let friends move alone!
